If you landed on this post, you’re most likely asking the all-important question, “What is domestic bliss?”.
For many people, domestic bliss is synonymous with wedded bliss. You get married and then you live happily ever after. The end.
Yeah, we’re redefining that into something that’s far more inclusive.
What domestic bliss isn’t (and what it is)
Domestic bliss doesn’t mean never fighting with each other. It does mean disagreeing with respect and aiming to resolve differences in a way that does not railroad the other.
Domestic bliss doesn’t mean never worrying about anything ever again. It does mean knowing the difference between useless worrying and constructive problem-solving.
Domestic bliss doesn’t mean no one ever gets hurt anymore. It does mean that when someone does get hurt, they know that the other has always got their back.
Creating domestic bliss simply means we create a happy and loving home that accepts all of us. As Heather Shumaker (Side Note: If you’re a parent, read her books!) writes, all feelings are ok but all behaviour isn’t.
Why do we need to create domestic bliss?
No wonder, people are having a hard time believing that they can be wealthy and happy. Kevin and Jade believe that we can help each other create our own domestic bliss.
We may live in a time when there is much unrest and the future is uncertain. But then, the future is always uncertain, isn’t it?
There are some things that we can change! We can shape our domestic lives so that we don’t treat our partners and children as enemies and we look at ourselves with all the admiration that each of us deserves.
We can be thoughtful and generous towards others but also towards ourselves.
We can stop looking at people who may seem different from us on the surface and realise that they are fundamentally the same – they live and breathe and hope and fear and love.
We believe that the dream of a better world begins in the four walls of our homes, in how we treat ourselves and how we treat our family and in our ability to create domestic bliss.
What you need to successfully create domestic bliss
You need to have:
How can you create domestic bliss?
The following answers are brief responses to really important questions. Posts that tackle these in more depth will be linked as they are created.
1. Where do I start if I want to create domestic bliss?
We all know what happens when we think that something involves too much work, right? Most of us back off and never make the attempt.
After you’ve created some extra time, you need to find out your domestic bliss “base level” – where you are now, like when you get a stock inventory but you count feelings rather than things.
You’ll need to be very honest here.
How do you really feel about your current situation and what do you really need to make it better?
2. What do I do if my partner isn’t interested in domestic bliss?
We’ll have to answer with a quote from Gandhi, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”
No, we cannot force someone else to change so we’ll need to let go of the expectation that other people should change because we think they should.
That said, we can change ourselves. Most often, this will pique other people’s curiosity enough to make them want to try it too.
It’s also possible that they’re only resisting because they don’t know exactly what kind of change you want to implement within your home.
Do you want to transform your house into a home – more than just a physical structure but also a sanctuary for every person who comes to visit?
Again, communication is key.
Remember that a good part of creating domestic bliss is a harmonious relationship with your nearest and dearest. That includes any partner and children you may have.
So, broach the subject. Talk to them properly. And who knows, you might even come away with a set of home rules that each member of the family is happy enough to comply with."If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.” – Gandhi Click To Tweet
3. I have kids from hell, what do I do?
Ah, kids. We love them. We hate them. And we love them again. What is it with kids that they trigger so much mixed emotions in their parents?
This is a loaded question and one that really deserves an in-depth answer.
“For around 30 years, researchers have studied how having children affects a marriage, and the results are conclusive: the relationship between spouses suffers once kids come along. Comparing couples with and without children, researchers found that the rate of the decline in relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as steep for couples who have children than for childless couples. In the event that a pregnancy is unplanned, the parents experience even greater negative impacts on their relationship.”
In this case, what do you do? It’s important to first check your own language. Why do you think your kids are from hell? What specific behaviour and attitudes do they exhibit that make you think they are a factor in your domestic bliss?
The answers to these questions will prove enlightening.
Are your kids really be misbehaving and if they are, are there external factors involved?
Is it perhaps a case of basic biology clashing with parental and societal expectations?
Could you have neurodiverse kids that need a unique touch?
Or maybe, it’s just a matter of adjusting your communication so you can be a more effective parent?
If this is what worries you, you’d probably benefit from learning how to be more peaceful without being less effective and how to communicate your feelings without causing power struggles.
Seriously, do you really need to say no that many times and in such a way (yeah, you know what we mean – exasperated, annoyed, angry)?
Do you get fed up with your children being boisterous and end up snapping at them to shut up?
Are you unable to unbend a little bit when they need your compassion and instead of empathising, you instead tell them to stop crying?
Is it really the kids?
Or is it the stress of meeting daily commitments that make you unable to enjoy their childish antics?
Do you need to take a breather and give more time just loving yourself?
Or perhaps this is the kind of relationship you have with yourself and so, you pass it on to your own children?
4. Can I create domestic bliss when I have no time or energy?
The answer is a resounding yes!
In fact, once you embark on the process, you actually start creating more time.
Yes, yes, we know that 24 hours a day is a given and you can’t really add to it. But, what if we tell you that those 24 hours are enough? You can do everything you need and still have a life.
Intriguing, isn’t it?
5. How can I create domestic bliss when I’m buried in debt?
Oh, we feel you.
Really, we do.
We know what it’s like to be in debt and trying to survive on only one income. It’s not easy. At all.
It’s a great source of stress and it’s almost impossible to stop worrying about it – especially if the bills keep coming whilst your income dwindles.
You really need to do a lot of work to get yourself out of it.
First, you need to know your numbers and then put a financial plan in place.
Keep going and don’t give up.
But equally important, be gentle with yourself. Many people end up in debt for the simple reason that we don’t really get taught how to manage our finances whilst growing up.
So, pick yourself up and give yourself a tight hug. You’ve got this!
The LAST thing you need to know
Creating domestic bliss is something everyone can do, maybe not easily but certainly simply. And it’s a lot of fun!
It doesn’t matter if you’re single, married or in a partnership.
It doesn’t matter if you have kids or you don’t. It doesn’t matter if you have a lot of money or are barely scraping by.
We can all create domestic bliss as long as we know how.
This is what this blog is about.
Join us on our journey and let our journey support yours!
How about you? What is your idea of domestic bliss and what do you do to create it? Write some of your ideas down and let’s start supporting each other!