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Do you want a blissful home? Do you want to know what makes a home blissfully, completely, smile-from-ear-to-ear happy?
Let’s set the scene, shall we?
You’ve just finished a hard day’s work and look forward to flopping down on the couch and binge-watching Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries (By the way, if you haven’t watched this series, hop on over to Netflix ASAP. Seriously, you could do worse things with your time.)
You walk in and see that huge pile of laundry sitting right smack in the middle of your sitting room…between the couch and the telly. And it’s honestly that proverbial pink elephant in the room because, hell’s bells, you’ve been telling yourself you’ll sort it for about three weeks now.
You decide to turn on the telly in a glorious act of rebellion but your eyes keep tracking back.
Not with THAT.
You feel a heavy sense of resignation and think, “How can I live in a blissful home if I can’t even flipping take care of my laundry?!”
And it gets worse the more you look at it.
Finally, you get fed up and just start binning the clothes left and right.
There! Now, your sitting room is all clean and you breathe a sigh of relief.
A bit over the top, yes, but we’ve all been there.
Maybe we haven’t all succumbed to the actual act of binning perfectly wearable clothes whose only crime was that they needed to be washed, folded and ironed.
But we all have certainly felt that it would just be easier if some of this stuff weren’t there so we wouldn’t have to spend so much time figuring out where to put them. Or when.
Yes! We’ve been there. Done that.
What finally worked for us?
We’re so glad you asked.
Listen to this while we slowly say, “Unveiling Kevin and Jade’s 2019 Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide to Creating a Blissful Home”.
Hah, pretty exciting stuff, huh?
So, what is a Blissful Home?
Do you know that when you Google “blissful home” you’ll most likely get websites of non-toxic cleaning services and aromatherapy? Oh, and home improvement via eco-designing.
Yeah, that’s not what we meant by blissful home (though you totally could avail of the products and services if you wanted to, they looked super interesting).
We tried typing in “how to create a blissful home”. Google yielded pages and pages of how to create good marriages. What, you need to be married to create a blissful home?
Yeah, not that either.
*sigh* Google has never disappointed us so badly before.
Incidentally, the only page we saw that really talked about the blissful home in the way we mean was Marwa Ali of Grow Mama Grow, an online community dedicated to Muslim mothers. The post was published in Patheos, “the premier online destination to engage in the global dialogue about religion and spirituality, and to explore and experience the world’s beliefs.” (we ended up reading more posts, they just have fascinating stuff!)
So she asked the same question we are asking now: What is it that makes a house a home? What is the secret of creating a soulful, welcoming atmosphere with a lovely spirit in our houses?
In other words, what makes a home blissful?
We’ll throw some words at you that we value here at K&J. Comment yes, if they resonate.A blissful home is…a sanctuary that embraces people exactly as they are.It is filled with all that is divine. A blissful home is heaven on earth. Click To Tweet
A blissful home is a place of stunning and breathtaking beauty. It highlights peace, serenity, joy and love.
It radiates all that is comfortable, relaxing and good.
Everyone who comes in feels welcome and at home.
A blissful home is filled with positive energy, hope and light.
It is a sanctuary that embraces people exactly as they are.
It is filled with all that is divine.
A blissful home is heaven on earth.
How To Have A Blissful Home: The Step-by-Step Guide
If you had goosebumps just reading that description, you’re not alone.
We had goosebumps just writing it.
We said before and we say again: domestic bliss is a human right. It is something all of us require in order to create the life of our dreams.
So we can categorically say that we all want a blissful home. But exactly what it is will be different for each of us. And that’s fine. We’re all different after all.
So how do we do this?
It all seems too difficult. Too much.
We’re just too busy. Too poor. Too ignorant.
Stop! Take a deep breath. Don’t panic.
To solve any problem, we just ask three things: First, what could I do? Second, what could I read? Third, who could I ask?
This ultimate step-by-step guide is our answer to the first question.
Step One: Refer to your Manifesto
What the heck is a manifesto?
No, it’s not pages and pages of policies that only lawyers can understand.
It’s also not the ravings of an extremist trying to convince other people that s/he is right…#justsaying.
It’s simply a document that will help you, according to Lifehack, “clarify your beliefs, examine your motivations, create personal “policies”, describe what kind of world you’d like to live in and write down your goals”.
And why do we need this?
Simples, you need to know what goal you’re working for. Otherwise, how would you know you’re on the right track?
That’s like going to a travel agency, they ask where you wanna go and you say, “I don’t care. Just book me anywhere for travel whenever.”
Yeaaaaahhh, that doesn’t work, does it?
We’d also like to say that a manifesto is especially important when you’re living with other people, especially if they’re family.
Whilst you can certainly create a manifesto for yourself, it’s far more effective and harmonious when you have home rules that every member of the family are following.
When you’re all on the same page, in-fighting is far less likely and you won’t even have to nag.
Just display the manifesto somewhere prominent – where everybody can see it – and look at it pointedly when a rule has been broken (or is about to be broken).
We wrote all about our manifesto-making process here, where we also included a link to the end product that our family adheres to.
If you love it and want to make it your own, then it’s also available to buy (#shamelessselfpromo here 😉 but hey, it introduced harmony to our family and maybe you could use it too).
Step Two: Get your home’s baseline
See those weight loss comparison photos where you have a photo before your weight loss and after?
That’s pretty much what you need to do.
You don’t necessarily have to take photos but you could. Especially, if you think your house is a dump and implementing an effective organisational system combined with paring down your belongings to the essentials that spark joy (yay, Konmari!) are part of your manifesto.
And for the record, we do believe that decluttering, cleaning and organising your house is part and parcel of what makes a house blissful.
No, you absolutely do not need to go all out and become the next great Marie Kondo but you do need to start treating your home as a temple if you want it to be blissful.
Declutter until it’s filled with only things that make you smile.
Repair whatever needs fixing.
Create a cleaning and an organisational system that works for you and which is easy to maintain.
Start with a clean slate – and you can take this literally here. It’s a lot easier to discover what needs changing when you can see past your cluttered belongings.
Hate cleaning? There are ways to get around that.
So, let’s assume you decided to adopt the Holstee Manifesto. What do you do next?
You comb through each statement and then create an action plan.
For example, “If you don’t like something, change it.”
Ask yourself, am I doing this one thing now? If yes, how do I keep adding to it? If no, what should I be doing instead?
I’m doing something but my partner isn’t? How do we address this discrepancy and hit the goal together?
Have you been moaning about the fact that you just don’t have time to do your laundry?
You really wish you didn’t have to spend so much time tidying up or finding a place for everything you own?
Well, perhaps going minimalist might be a solution?
Write that down.
No? What are your alternatives?
Write that down too.
And so on and so forth.
Don’t stop until you’ve reached the end of your manifesto.
Step Three: The 3Cs – Communicate, Compromise, Commit
Remember that this process doesn’t involve just you. It’s for everyone who lives in your house.
You want to create a blissful home and harmony is a great part of that. You can’t bulldoze your way into bliss. In fact, it’s a guaranteed fail if you’re forcing other members of your family to do what you want.
What do you do if you’re facing a lot of opposition?
Sit down and talk about the issue.
Could it be that the other members of the family want a little bit less nagging and more time to just sit down with you and maybe have a cuppa tea while talking about the changes you all want to make?
Do they actually really hate the military precision that minimalism can sometimes adopt and would love to have a more cluttered, lived-in feel that includes a throw arranged haphazardly on the sofa? You know, the one you keep arranging so that everything is square?
Chances are, the fact that you genuinely (we’re emphasising that because you can’t fake your way out of a deadlock) take other people’s views and feelings into account, you won’t face entrenched resistance.
Remember, the more people there are in the home, the more important it is to communicate.
Paint a picture of your blissful home and then ask each member of your family to do the same.
Talk to each other.
Compromise is key. Remember, you’ll all be living together.
Nothing spells dissatisfaction more clearly than disgruntled family members who’ve been railroaded into doing something they absolutely don’t want to do.
Flying solo and don’t need to answer to anyone when it comes to creating your own idea of a blissful home? The process might go a little bit faster than say, a mom who lives with her partner, three children and maybe even the grandparents.
Or it might take a lot longer if you’ve never done any inner work before and honestly don’t know what you want out of life.
None of it matters, creating a blissful home is a lifelong process.
So just commit to doing it and enjoy the ride.
Step Four: Make an Actionable Plan and Follow Through
Once everyone has agreed to a unified idea of what a blissful home looks like, it’s time to make an actionable plan.
Important Tip: WRITE THE PLAN DOWN.
We have it in our bullet journal but we’re seriously considering investing in one of those customised decals that you can put on your walls or having it printed in nice letters to put in our vision board.
What’s this obsession with writing things down?
When you write things down and look at it every single day, you have a greater chance of achieving it.
Don’t believe us?
Here are two scientific papers that back our (ahem) obsession with writing things down.
ResearchGate: The generation effect, which essentially means that the information you generate for yourself is better remembered when compared to information that is generated externally. In other words, writing down your goal increases recall and increased recall increases your chances of following through. Especially, if whatever information you’re currently generating (e.g. goals) has been generated before (ie. prior recall).
How do you make an actionable plan?
To paraphrase, Jack Canfield said that we need to give our goals daily, focused attention if we want to accomplish them. This daily focus is the Rule of 5, “a list each day of five action steps that will move you closer to your goal. Then check them off as you complete each one.”
There are no do-overs with the Rule of 5. For it to work, you must complete the specified tasks within any given day.
For example, let’s say you wanted to write a children’s book for 9-year olds and have it published in 6 months. What could you do daily that will move you closer to your goal?
Your list may look something like this:
- Read at least 3 children’s books for 9-year olds every week.
- Take an intensive writing course and complete a lesson every day.
- Write a chapter a day.
- Revise a chapter a day.
- Interact with other aspiring writers on social media.
These are just small actions but done every day without fail, they have a cumulative effect. Don’t forget, the smallest things really can make the biggest impact.
Once your plan is complete, include a timeline. When do you expect to meet your goal?
Follow that timeline diligently and ensure that everyone involved in the plan does their part.
Step Five: Revise and Repeat
At the end of the process, remember the 2Rs. Revise and repeat.
Check that what you’re doing is taking you in the right direction.
It’s entirely possible that what you thought was an important component of your plan actually isn’t. That’s a totally normal part of the process.
Maybe you thought eating only organic food completely cooked from scratch would help you create a blissful home, only to discover that you now dread going to the kitchen because you just don’t have the time. Or you don’t want to go to the shop because organic food is just so expensive.
It’s okay to edit your goals and ditch whatever doesn’t serve you.
Or add whatever does.
You’re going to hate us because we keep spouting off similar things in different posts but really, it’s because it’s true.
Creating a blissful home, just like everything worthwhile doing, is a journey, not a destination…an ongoing process, not a one-off event…a marathon, not a sprint.
You can’t expect to do everything in one sitting and immediately have the result you want.
Please be gentle with yourself. You need it.
Please be patient with yourself. You need that too.
Finally, you need to be gentle and patient with everyone else involved in the process.
You’re all creating the life you desire.
Even if you’re very close to each other, there’s bound to be some differences.
That’s totally okay.
You’re all in it together, right?
Anyway, this is what we do at Kevin and Jade. What do you do? Have you been through this process? What steps did you take and where are you now? Did you have to make any compromises? How did that make you feel?
We want to hear from you! Type a quick comment and let’s chat!